


I Almost Lost You

by agente_hill



Category: Mission: Impossible, Mission: Impossible (Movies)
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Missions Gone Wrong, Soft Benji
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-26 20:10:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20936051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agente_hill/pseuds/agente_hill
Summary: Ethan almost loses Benji on a mission gone wrong, and he could not stand the thought of one of them dying without confessing.





	I Almost Lost You

Benji remembered earnest green eyes, a sharp square jaw, and an outreached hand. And bubbles. Then there was nothing, really, that he could see.

The blood rushing through him pounded against his head and he was losing this fight. Briefly he wondered if this was how he was going to die, then the panic kicked in and the freezing water around him yanked him back to reality.

The more he flailed, trying to extract oxygen from liquid, his pale face flushed red in certain spots, the deeper it seemed he sunk. Soon the colour of the water went from sky blue to navy blue, to black.

-

At the surface Ethan gasped in a lungful of air, spit it back out, and inhaled again.

_Get out of the water, I’ll give you directions,_ he heard Brandt speak into his ear. Mission went wrong.

_Benji’s still under, I’m not leaving._ Ethan wheezed, his lungs burning. He held on to the upturned car half underwater. Brandt said something else, but all he received was static and muffled noises.

He held his breath, threw himself beneath the surface, and widened his eyes like a fish. An unclear form bobbed away from him deep below him. He kicked with all his strength and swam for Benji.

Ethan’s limp fingers finally touched a body, a body loosing its warmth. He pulled it up to him and floated up towards the air. He was exhausted, but having Benji next to him gave him newfound strength. All he could think of was getting them both up to safety. To the oxygen.

-

Benji was lying on solid ground in an alleyway, and Ethan was doubled over next to him, throwing up water. With a few spluttering coughs, Benji blinked open his eyes. In a sudden attempt to sit up, a flash of red hot pain shot through his nervous system and threw him back on his back.

“Ethan?” Benji’s wavering voice managed, in what was barely a husky whisper.

The last time this happened, it had been Ethan calling ‘Benji?’ after minutes underwater.

“I’m here,” Ethan managed a grin. “You alright?”

“N…not exactly. Been better, and much, much, better,” Benji replied jokingly.

“I’ll help you get up,” Ethan looped an arm under Benji’s waist and gently lifted him up, supporting his weight. “You think you can walk?”

“A little, maybe.” Benji attempted a few steps, but could not get far without leaning on to the wall. “Maybe not.”

“I’ll carry you-“ “You are not going to-“ “I’m going to carry you-“ “I can walk!”

Before Benji could further protest, Ethan had him in his arms, bridal style.

“Just to the van,” Ethan smiled down at him. Benji grumbled some more but stayed put. He could only imagine what Brandt would say when he saw Ethan carrying Benji to the van, both of them drenched and bruised.

“I almost lost you,” Ethan stated after a few minutes.

“Not the first time, I’d say,” Benji replied, but he could hear the seriousness in Ethan’s tone.

“I’m sorry. It’s my fault,” Ethan continued. “I’m sorry Benji.”

“You’re not to blame, this is my job,” Benji countered. It hurt him to think that Ethan was putting it on himself. He then thought of how having this conversation while being carried, bridal style, was pretty strange.

“You don’t understand,” Ethan persisted.

“What? That because you’re the leader you have to take the fall of every mistake the team makes? Ethan, it’s not your fault.” Benji then went into a coughing fit.

There was a long pause.

“What you don't understand is - you don’t understand that I love you,” Ethan finished.

Benji felt his heart pound against his ribs as he processed those words. He hoped that Ethan could not feel his quickened pulse. Before he could make a reply, Luther’s voice rang out to them.

“Ethan! Benji?” Benji looked up to Ethan only to find that he was avoiding his gaze.

“Come on!” Brandt called to them. “Is Benji alright?”

Still dazed, Benji imagined what would happen if he leaned up and kissed Ethan right then. How he would react, how Brandt and Luther would. He did not have the courage to let these thoughts linger in his mind._ Does Ethan really love him? In a way more than platonic?_ Doubt cast heavy shadows over his thoughts, but he held on to the sweet feeling that maybe it was true.

“Let Benji lie down in the back,” Ethan ordered, and Benji was taken away from him.

Ethan rode shotgun, so Benji was with Brandt. The whole ride he was silent, listening to Brandt, Ethan, and Luther talk about the mission. _You don’t understand that I love you_ kept playing over in Ethan’s voice through his mind.

-

It was night and Ethan was in his hotel room, half dressed and about to get some rest. At eleven there was a knock at the door. It was a quiet, cautious knock, but Ethan took his gun with him anyway. Through the peephole he was Benji, looking tired. He put the gun away then opened the door.

“You should be resting,” Ethan said, gesturing for him to enter and closing the door.

“Did you mean it? What you said?” Benji asked, immediately realising that his question was stupid. If he did not, Ethan would not have said something like that.

“Let’s pretend I never said it, alright? You shouldn’t be stressing yourself, you’re still hurt. I- I’m sorry I ever brought it up,” Ethan shook his head, his dark hair on his face.

“I love you too,” Benji blurted out. He could feel himself sweating as unbelieving green eyes pierced his own. There were a few seconds of silence.

Ethan then stepped forward and gently kissed Benji, his eyes closed. Benji stood in shock for a second, then returned the kiss, leaning into Ethan. When they pulled away, Ethan kissed Benji softly on the forehead.

They fell asleep that night next to each other, Ethan’s arm protectively placed over Benji, Benji’s head tucked under Ethan’s.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments mean a lot but it is completely fine if you just want to enjoy the fic <3


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